It was a joy to spend Thanksgiving with family. The entire weekend has been filled with blessings. It's been both productive and relaxing...an odd combination.Thanksgiving included a trip to St. Louis to spend with family, including our oldest daughter Caitlin. It was nice to have my parents travel with us; perhaps it helped me not think of how odd it was that Caitlin wasn't riding home with us.
Consistent with tradition, we woke up early on Friday to brave the shopping crowds. Courtney and I had a great morning. We didn't need anything in particular but shopped leisurely, took turns standing in line, and thrilled at our bargains. Tim joined us for some shopping but also enjoyed long coffee breaks while reading.
Usually Caitlin is along for the annual shopping trek.
Saturday was a gorgeous day. I enjoyed a rare treat for this time of the year in central Illinois: a long outdoor walk without burdensome layers to keep me warm. I enjoyed the warm sunshine as I power walked country roads, listening to Mika on my mp3 player.
Caitlin regularly walked the same path listening to the same artist.
Later in the day, we unloaded all the Christmas decorations from storage. Up went the tree along with all the tree and house decorations.
Except Caitlin's ornaments. We're waiting for her to put them on the tree herself when she comes home in a few weeks.
This weekend has been productive and relaxing...and yet there have been a few gaps. Caitlin-sized gaps. I've compensated for a few...like getting Courtney's opinion on a few gifts for Caitlin while shopping. And I enjoyed putting together a fun care package to send Caitlin this week as she finalizes her first semester. (I wish I could be there when she opens it!)
I rarely experience loneliness from Caitlin being gone. After all, she's happy where she is, and that's the most soothing salve a mother can have. But I experience gaps in little daily things. As I felt gaps the past few days, I thought about friends in my life who have gaping chasms where my small gaps are. Friends whose children have died and friends who (not by choice) have no biological children. My achy gaps are nothing compared to their pain and emptiness. I can call, email, text Caitlin. I can drive a short distance and sit with her at Starbucks while chatting about her life. Some of my friends don't have that luxury.
And then there's the hole we're all born with...the one that is God-shaped. We're created to long for him. We can ignore the emptiness, fill it with hobbies, work, material things, and relationships. But no one but God can fill the God-shaped emptiness. Feeling lonely, anxious, fearful, etc.? We all experience gaps. Seek the one who can actually fill the gaps with what and whom they are supposed to be filled.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. - Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
There might be gaps in my Christmas tree for a few more weeks, but I'm relying on God to fill any gaps in my faith.
