19 Things I've Learned During 19 Years of Marriage

1. Our backgrounds, experiences, and personalities lead us to react to each other and situations in different ways. And that's okay. Our differences make our marriage better.
2. Men are different from women in not only the obvious by also many subtle ways. When I assume my husband needs and wants what I need and want, we both get frustrated.
3. Honesty, no matter how difficult at the time, is the only option when facing a situation that might divide our relationship.
4. When one of us is weak in an area, the other one "taking over" isn't the best option. Complementing each other means coming together where we are and walking together toward a common goal.
5. Dream together. Not "if only we could" dreams that breed discontent but a vision of where we want to go and grow together in our lives.
6. Competition can be fun but it has no place in our roles in marriage: who does what and contributes what. Replace competition with encouragement.
7. Say "I was wrong. You're right." as often as possible.
8. Express your love and respect for your spouse as often and in as many ways as possible. Say it. Do it.
9. Build each other up outside of your marriage...in front of your children, spouse's family, coworkers, etc.
10. Don't pack your bags. Avoid baggage by not packing any! Choose to face your spouse and resolve an issue or leave it behind. Packing it for later use only gives you a sore back and cranky spirit.
11. Develop a multi-faceted realtionship. Be friends, lovers, co-parents.
12. Foster healthy relationships outside marriage. Women need to hang out and do "girl" stuff." Men need to hang out and do "guy stuff."
13. Don't assume. We can't read each other's minds and no matter how sure we are of our spouse's motivation, it's always better to ask instead of assume.
14. Expect changes. You've (hopefully) grown in the last several years. You'll continue to grow and change. So will your spouse.
15. Take time for each other. Every day.
16. Clean up each other's messes. Big stuff and little stuff.
17. Take responsibility. Don't blame your parents, kids, work, etc. Grow up and own up.
18. Remember it's not about us. We made a commitment to both ourselves and God. To break one shatters the other.
19. Have hope. When times are tough, hope for better. When times are good, hope for better. I look forward to the next 19 years!