19 Things I've Learned During 19 Years of Marriage

1. Our backgrounds, experiences, and personalities lead us to react to each other and situations in different ways. And that's okay. Our differences make our marriage better.
2. Men are different from women in not only the obvious by also many subtle ways. When I assume my husband needs and wants what I need and want, we both get frustrated.
3. Honesty, no matter how difficult at the time, is the only option when facing a situation that might divide our relationship.
4. When one of us is weak in an area, the other one "taking over" isn't the best option. Complementing each other means coming together where we are and walking together toward a common goal.
5. Dream together. Not "if only we could" dreams that breed discontent but a vision of where we want to go and grow together in our lives.
6. Competition can be fun but it has no place in our roles in marriage: who does what and contributes what. Replace competition with encouragement.
7. Say "I was wrong. You're right." as often as possible.
8. Express your love and respect for your spouse as often and in as many ways as possible. Say it. Do it.
9. Build each other up outside of your marriage...in front of your children, spouse's family, coworkers, etc.
10. Don't pack your bags. Avoid baggage by not packing any! Choose to face your spouse and resolve an issue or leave it behind. Packing it for later use only gives you a sore back and cranky spirit.
11. Develop a multi-faceted realtionship. Be friends, lovers, co-parents.
12. Foster healthy relationships outside marriage. Women need to hang out and do "girl" stuff." Men need to hang out and do "guy stuff."
13. Don't assume. We can't read each other's minds and no matter how sure we are of our spouse's motivation, it's always better to ask instead of assume.
14. Expect changes. You've (hopefully) grown in the last several years. You'll continue to grow and change. So will your spouse.
15. Take time for each other. Every day.
16. Clean up each other's messes. Big stuff and little stuff.
17. Take responsibility. Don't blame your parents, kids, work, etc. Grow up and own up.
18. Remember it's not about us. We made a commitment to both ourselves and God. To break one shatters the other.
19. Have hope. When times are tough, hope for better. When times are good, hope for better. I look forward to the next 19 years!

Dust

I shook out the folds of my robe and said, “If you fail to keep your promise, may God shake you like this from your homes and from your property!” The whole assembly responded, “Amen,” and they praised the Lord. And the people did as they had promised. - Nehemiah 5:13 (NLT)

I started Spring cleaning this weekend. I usually spread it over a month or more, tackling one area of the house at a time until I reach all forgotten corners...just in time the realize the first areas I cleaned need to be cleaned again. The amount of dust that accumulates in remote corners of my house baffles me!

I keep my house fairly clean, so I'm always surprised when I start deep cleaning and see how much dirt and "stuff" have accumulated. After all, I'm an organized person. How does this happen?! Certain things go in specified drawers, closets, cabinets. My family does a great job of picking up after themselves. So the fact that I suddenly find something I thought I'd lost catches me off guard. As I sort through a closet or drawer, I go through those items I've accumulated during the past year...and then I reach the organized section, where I finished the year before.

Hhmm...I wonder how many times that happens in my life. I've made a commitment or promise, and it seems neat and tidy, "do-able" to stick with. I'm sure I'll follow through. And I do well for awhile. But then, little by little, my attention wanes, and the dust settles. The mess grows. The organization is hidden.

How many times do you just "give up" because it looks too messy? Yes, I'm asking about your closets and drawers, but I'm also talking about the commitments you've made. You feel guilty for not following through, or you've let such a mess pile up, you don't even remember you were supposed to follow through!

But the foundation is still there. You can regularly sweep away the settled dust and the pile of unorganized items and get to the foundation of organization you've already put in place.

Look at your index fingerprint. Study the details. Now find a dusty place in your house (surely you have at least one!). Wipe the dust with your index finger. Then look at your finger and reflect how different it looks covered with dust.

Wash the dust from your fingertip. Has your fingertip changed?

In Matthew 10:14, Jesus uses the expression "shake its dust from your feet, " which is the same as shaking the "folds of my robe" in Nehemiah. Straighten up and clean up, Girlfriend! It's time to get back to the basics.