Inheritance

I've been studying inheritance - in a biblical context - and I've been thinking...

What have I inherited from the people who have gone before me?

Okay, so here's where I have a choice. I can list the woes, baggage, and wounds (and believe me when I say there are days I want to sit in the middle of the muck and make grand creations out of it), or I can pull up my feet, even if my shoes get left behind, and walk away on more solid ground on paths that take me somewhere.

As I walk onward and look around, here's what I see.

From my parents...unconditional love, confidence to dream big, and permission to be imperfect yet significant in my own parenting.

From friends through the years...ability to say goodbye, comfort of being cared for when I refused to care for myself, and assurance that rejection leads to opportunity.

From strangers and people of brief encounters...freedom to explore and grow and well-timed encouragement and assistance.

What have you inherited from others? What building blocks of yesterday are under your feet today? What tools do you carry around with you daily because they were generously shared with you?

Inheritance is more than what you have in your hands today. It's where you've been and where you're going. It's your territory. God-given. We live on earth, where humans mess up all the time, so our God-given territory is thorny, muddy, rocky. But it's also fruitful, fragrant, gorgeous.

We can choose to deny anything beautiful exists within the boundaries of our inheritance. We can choose to deny anything ugly exists within the boundaries of our inheritance. What we choose to believe about our inheritance doesn't change the reality.

We give an inheritance to others every day in how we invest in people with our actions and attitudes. Inheritance isn't about what we give after we die. Inheritance is now. Today.

What will you give to others today? What building blocks will you carefully place under someone's feet to encourage them on tomorrow's journey? What tools will you generously share with someone today so she has what she needs on her journey through the thorny, fruitful, muddy, fragrant, rocky, gorgeous territory that is her inheritance?

We have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. 1 Peter 1:4 (NLT)

The Trainer and Trainee

I was asked to participate in a church discipleship program as a "trainer" (mentor). The ministry staff scheduled an informational meeting to give us an overview before we committed. I sat next to a woman who is a generation ahead of me and has been my "trainer" through many circumstances.

She's attended many small group studies I've led and enhanced discussions, clarified my explanations, and corrected my misinterpretations.

She's challenged me to grow spiritually, never allowing me to settle for the easy path but coaxing me down the path that leads me closer to God.

She's seen me at my worst: face-to-face in the pit of my sin, even in denial about it, tears of frustration, agony and desperation.

She's loved me...like Jesus.
She's accepted me...like Jesus.
She's challenged me...like Jesus.

And here I was, sitting by her side as we both considered training others.

I could have been intimidated, thinking I'm unworthy to train others as she trains me. I could have felt ill-equipped and fearful.

My reaction surprised me. I felt honored.

Honored that God would use me to reflect Jesus in the same ways this woman has reflected Jesus.

Honored this woman would not question my ability but instead sit by my side with an encouraging smile. She would never assume any responsibility for my spiritual growth, and her humility further reflects Jesus to me.

I encourage and equip women every day in my work and ministry. I pour into the lives of women, listening to their hurts and thrilling in their joys. I love the opportunities God gives me to disciple others.

But as I sat in the meeting, I was overwhelmed in the opportunity God gives me to be discipled. I am determined to glorify God in all relationships...whether I am discipling or being discipled.

Who are you discipling? Who is discipling you? Embrace the relationships God has given you.

God disciplines us to help us, so we can become holy as he is. We do not enjoy being disciplined. It is painful at the time, but later, after we have learned from it, we have peace, because we start living in the right way. - Hebrews 12:10b-11

Delayed

I was flying from St. Louis to San Diego through Chicago, connecting with a friend in Chicago for the second leg of the flight. I don't allow much extra time when arriving at my "home" airport in St. Louis but soon found I'd have plenty of time. I was delayed because of fog in Chicago.

I would have preferred to stay home with my daughter a few extra minutes, but I decided to make the best of it. I had a book to review, so I grabbed a Starbucks and settled in.

My phone buzzed. Lisa was delayed as well. Her turnaround time in Chicago would be quick, so she looked into a later flight to San Diego "just in case." When my flight continued to be delayed, she encouraged me to do the same. However, I was assured at the counter the plane I'd be taking from Chicago was also delayed, so we'd "definitely arrive in time."

As we approached Chicago, I heard my departure gate information. Great news. I'd have at least 30 minutes to transition to the next terminal considering the time the gate agent estimated as our updated departure time. No problem. Then we were delayed as we were pulling into our gate. It wasn't ready, but I was excited to hear our arrival gate matched my departure gate. I'd have time to get something to eat.

I got off the plane and looked at the board to check the departure time. La Guardia? That's not San Diego! I rushed to a departure screen, hoping I wouldn't have to go far, but my flight wasn't listed. Assuming my original flight had already left, I checked the next flight the San Diego and headed to the gate. Another delay. But time to eat.

My phone buzzed. Lisa made it onto our original flight and wanted to know if I was on board. What? That meant she was still on the ground! I looked at another departure board..."FINAL BOARDING"! After a moment of directional confusion, I ran to my gate, and the airline agent closed the door behind me. Whew!

How do you handle delays?

Do you focus on the end result in anticipation for the end of the delay?

Can you rest in the delay? Be productive in the delay? Grow through the delay?

Do you become complacent in the delay?

When has God worked in a delay of your life, and how will you allow him to work in future delays?

I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word. - Psalm 130:5

Everything God made is waiting with excitement for God to show his children's glory completely. - Romans 8:19

Power of Peace

I looked at my husband and said, "It doesn't get much better than this." We were lying in reclining chairs on the beach, soaking up the warmth of the sun while it was cold at home. Holding hands, listening to the waves lap against the shore, refreshing fruit drinks beside us. I alternated between catching up on reading and listening to inspirational teachings on my mp3 player. Ahh.....

Walking along the beach is one of the most relaxing things in the world for me. I love to feel the sand between my toes, feel the breeze from the water, and listen to the soothing sounds of the water. I watch water swell as it approaches land and then rise into a wave, curling onto itself to creep or crash upon the sand. The entire experience is mesmerizing to me. It calms me. And yet...

There's nothing calm about the waves. Water is powerful. It crushes shells into pieces. Eventually something we'd pick up as a souvenir becomes an indistinguishable part of the sand. Waves eat away at the shoreline, tear apart rocks, and knock down people. We watched a small sea turtle struggle as he to fought the incoming waves to return to the calmer waters further from shore. Water will take you somewhere you don't want to go. It's relentless.

Calming yet powerful.

In our most peaceful times, God is powerful. He encourages, rejuvenates, and prepares us. Respite in him is full-filling.

When you retreat for a time of peace, do you draw within yourself, assuming the peace you encounter is based on your own ability and the rejuvenation you feel comes from a deep well within yourself? Do you consider your abilities and well limited? Do you have a relationship with God and rely on his refreshment to prepare you for what's next in your life?

God is calming yet powerful. In the midst of our most peaceful moments and season, God is powerfully working in our lives. He's relentless. He encourages, rejuvenates, and prepares us. Are you in a peaceful time of life? Rest in his strength. Do you feel battered by the waves? Trust that peace is awaits as you crash upon the shore.

I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13 (NCV)

Confrontation

How we approach confrontation impacts our relationships.

“If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. Every case may be proved by two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector. I tell you the truth, the things you don't allow on earth will be the things God does not allow. And the things you allow on earth will be the things that God allows. Also, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about something and pray for it, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. This is true because if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them.” - Matthew 18:15-20 (NCV)

These verses give us instructions on how to deal with believers who have sinned against us, but I believe it’s an excellent model to use with any confrontation. Let’s take a look more closely. What is the first step?

Hhmm. I don’t see anything in there about going to other people and sharing what happened and stirring up irritation among many to make yourself feel better, which we often do under the guise of “godly counsel.” Please don’t misunderstand me. I completely support getting godly counsel, but godly counsel is…counsel that is godly, which means it has pure motives. Godly advice is private, not secretive. Godly advice is truth-seeking, not affirmation-seeking. Godly advice results in being held accountable for godly behavior, not being supported for what “feels good” or “makes sense.”

Back to Matthew 18:15-20, which says we’re to go and tell him in private what he did wrong. We’re not to ambush someone. We’re not to publicly declare the offense, which means we can’t gossip about it either. We’re to meet with the person one-on-one and share the problem. In this case, it’s an offense, but if you consider this model for any confrontational situation, you might be pointing out a miscommunication, hurt feelings, unfulfilled commitment, etc. You need to be clear but also not expect the issue to be resolved immediately. The other person might not be aware of the issue. They can’t read your mind…and you can’t read theirs and assume they knew exactly what was happening and why you’re approaching them.

Here’s a general rule I use. Have you stewed about this for weeks, months, or years? It’s not the person’s fault you’ve waited that long. If you’ve had the benefit of processing an issue for some time, give the other person at least that same amount of time to process what you bring to them. It’s not their fault you’ve stewed about for an extended period of time. You’ve likely damaged yourself in the process and will potentially damage the other person with the way you bring the issue to them, because with that much “simmering,” it’s very difficult to approach someone with a pure motive of making peace. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t sometimes pause before confronting someone, but a brief pause to insure you’re in God’s will and an extended time to become bitter are two very different things.

If that approach doesn’t work, what’s our next step?

"Witnesses” are not your best friends who are going to side with you and gang up on the person you’re confronting. They are people who will be able to support the situation and bear witness to what is said and done in case further action needs to be taken. When asking someone to be a witness for you, choose godly counsel. When you’re chosen to be a witness, accept your role with wisdom and humility.

Please keep the remainder of these verses in the specific context in which they’re intended: confrontation of a fellow believer who has sinned. Avoid making a hasty generalization that if your friend doesn’t “come clean” and admit to all wrongdoing in your relationship that you need to banish her from your life. If the relationship is unhealthy, you certainly need to put some distance between you and her, and you may have to temporarily place some distance between the two of you for a season because of the hurt or betrayal. But our goal is always to reconcile relationships when possible. And that takes honesty, humility and forgiveness.

These verses are followed by two more very important verses to consider when confronting someone: Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, when my fellow believer sins against me, how many times must I forgive him? Should I forgive him as many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, you must forgive him more than seven times. You must forgive him even if he wrongs you seventy times seven.” Matthew 18: 21-22